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Friday, June 6, 2008

Fear Imprisons Us Forever: My First Post

My first blog post, September 8, 2007

Fear imprisons us forever while courage allows us to achieve our dreams.

Teaching developmental writing for over 18 years has been incredibly rewarding and satisfying for me. Not only have I helped students learn, but my students and colleagues have taught me as well. As I now walk the hallways of my college campus, I can't help but realize how quickly the years have passed. Where a once young, shy and fearful young student walked now walks a more fearless and experienced professor. When I graduated from high school, I was fortunate to receive a scholarship to attend college. Hey, I am not bragging, but I graduated in the top 5 percent of my class. My parents were poor, and although they both stressed the need for a good education, I understood early on that I would need to work hard, save money and manage pretty much on my own. That was fine with me; in fact, I welcomed the challenge. Sure I envied some of my friends who were fortunate to have parents that were wealthy enough to send them to college, even to send them out of state, but I was happy just making my parents proud. I searched for independence and wanted very much to succeed on my own.

While in college, I worked a part time job and attended school full time. Before graduating, I married my long time sweetheart which added to my responsibilities. I will not deny that it was hard, very hard at times. I slept little, ate little, and smoked a lot. A dark cup of coffee was never too far from my side. I would love to brag and say I was a GREAT student. I was not. Those first few years in college were a struggle. I remember sometimes not having enough money to pay for lunch because I had to put gas in my car or buy books--expensive books. Many times it was so hard for me to focus because I was just so tired--tired of driving to school and work for hours in an old 1970's Toyota that had no air conditioning, no windshield wipers and no power steering. Imagine what it was like when it rained or when it was over 90 degrees and I was in bumper to bumper traffic. Also, I was tired of not sleeping for days because I had to study after work every evening. I was just tired. Sometimes I had so much homework, I felt like quitting. Quitting was not an option, so I just cried until I felt better. Smoking, I thought, would make me feel better, so I smoked and drank coffee. Unfortunately, I rarely ate because I just was not hungry. At 5'8" I weighed less than 110 pounds.

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  1. Marvelous comments on fear. Its an inhibitor and a prohibitor. Thanks for inspiring us all.


  2. WOW!!! i think this piece is an inspiration & wake up call(for me). You overcame your fear,and that is why an obstacle is there to break you,but your dedication paid off!! (i think that's such an inspiration) i too have times i feel like quitting,but with inspirational people(like yourself)and of course God to get you through it end up never quitting,but you can accomplish anything;great piece!

  3. Ok I have this huge fear of windshield names Catherine and i know i'm not the only person who has it cuz i looked it up on google. I can barely get into a car without flipping out. I have schizo-affective disorder and i think that may have something to do with it. Ive had a fear of them my whole life. Thanks for reading! :)


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