Thank You Fearless Followers!

Saturday, September 8, 2007

My College Experience

Fear imprisons us forever while courage allows us to achieve our dreams.

Teaching developmental writing for over 18 years has been incredibly rewarding and satisfying for me. Not only have I helped students learn, but my students and colleagues have taught me as well. As I now walk the hallways of my college campus, I can't help but realize how quickly the years have passed. Where a once young, shy and fearful young student walked now walks a more fearless and experienced professor. When I graduated from high school, I was fortunate to receive a scholarship to attend college. Hey, I am not bragging, but I graduated in the top 5 percent of my class. My parents were poor, and although they both stressed the need for a good education, I understood early on that I would need to work hard, save money and manage pretty much on my own. That was fine with me; in fact, I welcomed the challenge. Sure I envied some of my friends who were fortunate to have parents that were wealthy enough to send them to college, even to send them out of state, but I was happy just making my parents proud. I searched for independence and wanted very much to succeed on my own. While in college, I worked a part time job and attended school full time. Before graduating, I married my long time sweetheart which added to my responsibilities. I will not deny that it was hard, very hard at times. I slept little, ate little, and smoked a lot. A dark cup of coffee was never too far from my side. I would love to brag and say I was a GREAT student. I was not. Those first few years in college were a struggle. I remember sometimes not having enough money to pay for lunch because I had to put gas in my car or buy books--expensive books. Many times it was so hard for me to focus because I was just so tired--tired of driving to school and work for hours in an old 1970's Toyota that had no air conditioning, no windshield wipers and no power steering. Imagine what it was like when it rained or when it was over 90 degrees and I was in bumper to bumper traffic. Also, I was tired of not sleeping for days because I had to study after work every evening. I was just tired. Sometimes I had so much homework, I felt like quitting. Quitting was not an option, so I just cried until I felt better. Smoking, I thought, would make me feel better, so I smoked and drank coffee. Unfortunately, I rarely ate because I just was not hungry. At 5'8" I weighed less 110 pounds.

It was not until my fourth year that I began to understand what college was really all about. Finally, the pieces came together, the stress diminished and I excelled. By the time I graduated college, my parents had divorced, and my father, who I will always love dearly, was not there when I proudly walked across the stage and received my college degree. That broke my heart. My father was my greatest motivator then and even now after his death he is still my greatest motivator. He expected GREAT THINGS from me always and I made a point to deliver. Every success I had was his success. Every time I achieved, he achieved and he was proud. He did not say those words to me, but I saw them in his eyes. He wanted me to be self-reliant, believe in myself and have courage. His own fears had kept him from achieving so much more, from being so much more. He did not want me to live a fearful life but a FEARLESS and decent one.

When I walk into a classroom every semester and I see all those faces starring back at me, I know some of these students are sitting there feeling much the way I did. I hear their laments and their troubles. They tell me about their sacrifices and their problems. They look at me as if I cannot possibly understand what they are going through or what they feel. I am a teacher, so how could I know anything about the difficulties of life, poverty, working and going to school. So, I may sound hard and appear to lack compassion and understanding for their pain, but in reality I know their pain and their struggles. I understand that sometimes they are just tired and they want to give up. Part of my job, my responsibility, is to help them find a way "not to give up." So I dedicate so much of my class time to helping students find their "inner motivator" even in the absence of outside motivators. We all need that something that can give us the push, the desire or the joy to want to fight and push life back even when life pushes us harder.

I don't know if life is supposed to be hard. I don't know that life should be easy. I know sometimes we must go with the flow but other times we have to push or pull if we are ever going to improve our lives, achieve our dreams or simply find peace. I constantly remind myself to face my fears, challenge myself and find a way to do the things I think sometimes I cannot do. I have to DO GREAT THINGS with my life, not just to honor my father and my mother, not just to set an example for my sons and not just to contribute to the world I will someday leave behind. I must do GREAT THINGS and be FEARLESS, for it is in those achievements that I feel fulfilled.

19 comments:

  1. I love your stories they are so enchanting!

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  2. "Sucess is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life... as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to suceed"

    Booker T Wahsington

    thats all i gotta say !

    zack

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  3. I READ YOUR WELCOME BLOG, ITS AMAZING THE WAY YOU TALK ABOUT LIFE, AND ITS TRUE. SOMETIMES I FEEL THAT WAY JUST TO GIVE UP, BUT TAKING THE EASY WAY IS NOT A CHALLENGE FOR ME.

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  4. I enjoy reading your blogs. It motivate for me and other students who are not finacialy secure.Other people could relate to this blogs to over come obsticle in life and reach there dreams.

    From Reginal Belizaire

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  5. My whole life i felt as if ive been pressured by my mother i never really got along with my father but how ever i never really cared what hed say i tried to fallow in the right footsteps as i can to do so much in highschool not paying attention in school made me regret why i didnt study back in high school having ifs and buts of what would have became of me if i tried harder even though i succeded i wish that i did more then i did im very thankful for having the things my mother could afford to get me i understand the situation you were in even though you achieved more i know i couldve tried harder but i didnt now that i read ur blog i think me being in college can help me be more mature then i ever was starting from elementary to middle school to highschool and now and trying to have more confidence in myself knowing i believe i can do what i put my mind to.

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  6. Bianca, you must always believe in yourself. This is a great first step. I "believe" YOU can do anything if you want it bad enough.

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  7. Very interesting, this reminds me somewhat of my life just without parents. I love your welcome blog and I enjoyed reading it. In life you must take advantage now to succeed before it's too late.

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  8. This story I love because by Professor Cueto sharing her story, will motivate others to continue your education. You don't find to many people, that will tell the truth about their struggles.

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  9. Wow! I really enjoyed your story, It shows where your comming from and what you have been through to get to where you are now.I think your story will help others, because they will see that life is not easy, and when it gets hard you just have to keep going.

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  10. I enjoyed your post...inspirational, courageous and heartfelt!

    Cheers

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  11. I am learning so much about you and I mean it when I say... Fearless!

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  12. For those of us who never managed to go back that far. Thanks for taking us back to this early post.

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  13. I can tell just by the way you write and express yourself that you are driven. It is so wonderful how much you have accomplished on your own. Not only for your parents and family, but mainly for yourself. I understand that drive.
    Your students and children are very lucky to have you for an example. So are your friends.
    Have a good weekend.

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  14. I am so glad you posted a link to this. Now I know more about you and your philosophy of fearlessness.

    Teachers are so often seen as perfect, authority figures that have never struggled with anything. Your story is inspiring to me and must be to your students, too. Juggling work and school is difficult, but it can be done (and hopefully enjoyed on some level!)

    I'm assuming you quit smoking at some point. ;)

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  15. I appreciate your perspective ... so I wanted to let you know that I have mentioned this post on my own blog with a link here. As always, thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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  16. May you inspire your students to be as fearless as you!!! You may never know quite the impact that you make this side of heaven, but no doubt, the impact is far reaching. God Bless You!!

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  17. Don't you think that if we start on a new path and it does not scare us we have not stretched ourselves enough. I can truly relate to your story. I just wish that I had been fearless enough to do what you did. Don't to be just a little proud of what you have accomplished...you certainly deserve it.

    b

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  18. The harder it is during the challenge, the more gratifying it is when accomplished! It seems that we have more appreciation for that which we have had to really work for.

    You are such an expressive writer. Your story pulled me in!

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